Hemlocked Heart

I am calm. The fridge buzzes, the dryer clanks, the birds sing, a car passes by. My shoulders tense. I am calm. The rain drips outside my window, the table creaks under my movement, my throat feels dry. Death dances through my mind. I am calm. My bra strap digs into me, my skin feels too tight, my hands start to fidget on their own, the air feels stale. I am calm. I relax my forehead, lower my shoulders, take a deep breath and tears well into my eyes. I am calm. I am calm. I am desperately, frantically calm.