Hemlocked Heart

"I feel bad" or "like sad", all the words you just say

become "I'm fine" and "I'm good" and "I'm happy for today",

but I'm crushed and I'm torn hearing "it will be okay".

if I name it and I claim it and I work to change my ways

happiness will attack and my heart won't feel misplaced?

I'm adrift, petals clipped that I'm told will bloom one day

so what happens if I'm not stunted, I'm just wired in this way.

to be doom, to be gloom, to be frightened and ashamed

there's no light, there's no ending, there is no one else to be blamed

resigned to hatred of my habits I'll just keep to saying

in that vile, choking singsong that "I'm fine. I'm okay."